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给母亲

给母亲
作者安歌 时间2024-08-24

或者我的头上也曾有过

羊角辫，母亲，她在你

匆忙的手下长成？

你开批斗会，加班，在银行大楼拨算盘珠

数别人的钱，看《鲁迅全集》

在医院来苏水的气味里

吐血。母亲，他们说，那是肺结核

你再也不能累着了。他们说

而我不懂这些。你卸下整整一车

御寒的煤，在新疆的十一月

滴水成冰，再不卸煤就来不及了

风吹着你；你的蓝围巾，吹你的脸

冰棱挂在父亲牢房的窗口上

他有一个右倾的心脏？或者他的父亲

曾经有钱，现已经完全疯了

后来终于在那些着火的照片上死了

而你深信煤炭里深藏的火

能够溶化这一切？正如医生确定你拥有了

着火的肺

妈妈，我在你吐血时忍住了哭泣

病房里那么安静，你在

斜照的阳光里看《羊脂球》，我在玩石子

门扉半开，可什么时候

你会和我谈谈百货店里新进的

粉色头绳？

你好了。你得让自己站起来

二十年后你才发现，它们没有彻底钙化

它们不时找你。因为你得呼吸，因为

我是你的女儿，你手握杭州丝绸准备

为我做鲜红的裙子。你在电话里问我的腰围

你老了，妈妈，你老了

我想说，我多么爱你，妈妈

可我已经是扎紧的面口袋

已装上了冬运的货车

不知要被运往何方

它们也曾停在我们初冬的家门

满车的白菜，萝卜和土豆

我们卸下它们时是多么快乐

尽管我想不起你有没有抚摸过我的头

尽管身体长满了皱纹，丝绸将与她们

水乳交溶

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